Care

I am a very caring person. If I were an animal, I would be the tail-wagging, sit next to you on the couch, loving persona that is a golden retriever. Or a Black Lab. Just think of Dug from Up ( I have just met you and I love you), and that's me. I have a big heart for people. That being said, when I care about someone or something, I give my heart fully to them. I'm completely invested. While this is good, I've learned that it's also risky. By giving that person my heart, I open the potential for it to be broken, for my love and care not to be accepted, and handed back, or for the feeling not to reciprocated. It makes me vulnerable. I can tell you from experience, it's really hard. It's the ones who care the most that get hurt. As much as I would like to say this isn't true, a lot of times, it is.

Some would say that I "care too much." Another characteristic of being like a golden retriever is that I don't cope with change well. I've talked about this in some of my previous posts. This comes into play especially when someone in my life that I care about leaves. I'll be honest, this is something that I'm having to deal with right now, and I'm having a hard time with it. Part of me doesn't understand why I'm having to go through this situation again. I know that God is trying to teach me something through this, I just don't know what that is exactly. I got to a point where I was frustrated and tired. I remember thinking, "This whole year has been full of changes, and I'm sick of it. I want something to stay constant in my life for once. I'm tired of people coming into my life and then leaving. Why can't things just stay the same?"

A dear friend of mine told me something this week. I didn't really react to it the first time she said it, but today it clicked. She said that I desperately want something constant in my life that never changes. I want someone that will stay and tell me it's going to be ok. I'm not alone. Honestly, I felt kind of dumb for not seeing it sooner, but that's my human nature getting in the way. It's God. He is always here, always, constant, always loving. His love never fails. He's with me all the time. That is the constant I need to hold on to. And I'm not letting go.