Love (and Easter)

This week marks the beginning of holy week at Mount Vernon. So, obviously the chapel services are about the events leading up to Christ's death and resurrection. Today when I walked in to the sanctuary, I noticed there were bowls and towels lining the steps of the stage. The passage about Jesus washing the disciple's feet was read, and our chaplain explained that Jesus did this as an expression of love toward His disciples. In our society, our feet are usually covered by socks and shoes most of the time. But our chaplain went on to say while our feet are covered, our hands are exposed all the time. They can get very dirty sometimes. As we had worship time, he extended the invitation to us to come down to the altar and take a towel, dip it in the water, and wash some one's hands; to do it to show our love for them. I liked how he talked about our hands instead of our feet (but I also think it was because he knew a lot of students probably didn't want to touch other people's feet).

As the band started to play, people started getting up and going down to either take communion or pray or wash hands. I was sitting at my seat, just observing. I wanted to wash my friends' hands, but for some reason I was hesitant. I didn't want it to be awkward and I wasn't sure if I should. I didn't know if they would be comfortable with it. As I thought about it more, I realized something. When Jesus washed the disciple's feet, He didn't think about if what He was doing was right or appropriate, or what they would think of Him. He just did it. He did it to show His love for them. So I got up, took communion, picked up a towel and dipped it in water. I walked back over to where we were sitting. I didn't really say anything to my friends, but there wasn't anything that needed to be said looking back on it. Our faces said it. As I looked at each of my friends, their expressions told me. They understood. I just took each of their hands and washed them. It was one of the coolest experiences I've had in chapel. I wanted my friends to know that I love them. They are my sisters in Christ. My wonderful, crazy, supportive, hilarious, beautiful sisters in Christ. As I was walking out of the isle, my friend Alex took the towel from me and washed my hands. There is nothing more beautiful and touching to me than seeing the love of Christ being lived out. I saw His love today.

Care

I am a very caring person. If I were an animal, I would be the tail-wagging, sit next to you on the couch, loving persona that is a golden retriever. Or a Black Lab. Just think of Dug from Up ( I have just met you and I love you), and that's me. I have a big heart for people. That being said, when I care about someone or something, I give my heart fully to them. I'm completely invested. While this is good, I've learned that it's also risky. By giving that person my heart, I open the potential for it to be broken, for my love and care not to be accepted, and handed back, or for the feeling not to reciprocated. It makes me vulnerable. I can tell you from experience, it's really hard. It's the ones who care the most that get hurt. As much as I would like to say this isn't true, a lot of times, it is.

Some would say that I "care too much." Another characteristic of being like a golden retriever is that I don't cope with change well. I've talked about this in some of my previous posts. This comes into play especially when someone in my life that I care about leaves. I'll be honest, this is something that I'm having to deal with right now, and I'm having a hard time with it. Part of me doesn't understand why I'm having to go through this situation again. I know that God is trying to teach me something through this, I just don't know what that is exactly. I got to a point where I was frustrated and tired. I remember thinking, "This whole year has been full of changes, and I'm sick of it. I want something to stay constant in my life for once. I'm tired of people coming into my life and then leaving. Why can't things just stay the same?"

A dear friend of mine told me something this week. I didn't really react to it the first time she said it, but today it clicked. She said that I desperately want something constant in my life that never changes. I want someone that will stay and tell me it's going to be ok. I'm not alone. Honestly, I felt kind of dumb for not seeing it sooner, but that's my human nature getting in the way. It's God. He is always here, always, constant, always loving. His love never fails. He's with me all the time. That is the constant I need to hold on to. And I'm not letting go.

Blessings

Yesterday morning, I woke up and I felt awful. Something was just off. To put it simply, my insides were becoming my outsides. I kept thinking, "Some April Fool's joke this is." As crummy as I felt, it was actually kind of a blessing. I had some extended God time and I realized I really needed it. I was able to really take in God's Word and listen to what He wanted me to hear. I read Psalm 73. One passage left a mark.

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." Psalm 73:23-25

What beautiful words. It was so refreshing and renewing to me. Kind of funny that getting sick was actually a good thing in the end. It just goes to show that certain things in our lives can be blessings even if we don't see it. And by the end of the day, I felt much better.

I know this is a short post, but I think I'll keep it simple for today.