My Extended Family

When I stop to think about it, I have a huge family. I'm not talking about just my actual family, I mean my family of fellow believers. I heard the phrase brother or sister in Christ for the first time when I started my freshman year of college. At first, I didn't quite understand what it meant. But now I love it. As Christians, we are a giant family. I've been connected with so many people through my faith. It's more than just beliefs to me. It's how I live my life, and I'm so grateful and proud to have others around me that share in this.

When I call someone my brother or sister in Christ, I mean it. We share something much greater than a friendship. And I have brothers and sisters everywhere. Even around the world! How incredible is that? Some of them I haven't seen in a long time, others I talk to on a regular basis. We are a group of amazing, messed up, quirky, wonderful people. We all have different stories and talents. And we using them in some awesome ways.

When I was a part of h2o at Kent, I had the opportunity to spend my summer in Estes Park, Colorado at Leadership Training. I was all signed up and ready to go once school let out, but due to certain circumstances, I wasn't able to go. I was so disappointed and upset as I realized I wouldn't be with my h2o family in the mountains, meeting new people, having the experiences that they were going to have. I'll be honest, I still feel a twinge of sadness when I see pictures on Facebook or hear how they're doing. I really wish I could have gone.

Even though I miss them (a lot), I'm so happy for them and how God is working through and in them this summer. I know He's doing big things there. And I'm going to fly out and visit! I'm so grateful that God has provided a way for me to do that. So stay tuned, LT peeps! I'll let you know when I'm coming!

Childhood

A few days ago my mom broke out the home movies. I've come to the realization that I was an odd little kid. And, after hearing stories from other family members, this trend continues to grow. Apparently, I was always missing as a child. I had a tendency to wander off from my sisters and parents. They would find me off in a corner playing or behind a bush, completely oblivious to my surroundings. I almost gave my mom a heart attack when I wandered off at an amusement park when I was 4. I didn't even realize I was lost. I was just off in my own little world. We were at the pool and my family was on one side. I, for whatever reason, became very interested in something and walked to the other side of the pool. When my mom looked up, I was nowhere to be found. My mom being the awesome person she is, immediately set out to find me. Halfway across the pool, she came upon a lady leading me back to my family by the hand. She was staying at the same hotel as us and recognized me.

Another incident happened at an indoor playground (apparently those exist). My family was getting ready to leave and, not surprisingly, they couldn't find me. After some searching, I was found-under a bench. Why was I under a bench? What was so interesting that I had to go underneath the bench? My child mind was fascinated by weird things.

Thankfully, I've grown out of this phase. I can still be a little oblivious sometimes, but I'm proud to say that I haven't gotten lost.

New Things

I realize that there was a big gap between posts recently. I didn't want to post this one right away. I felt like my previous post was a better starting point. I know I've talked before about how many changes have happened to me this past year. The semester that recently ended was very difficult for me. This has been a very hard year, and I just got to a point where I couldn't write anymore. I was very stressed and tired and I didn't have any inspiration. But that's not the reason I'm writing this post.

I've turned a corner now. I'm getting back on track, and I've decided to make a few changes. Mainly, the way I write my blog. The format is going to change a bit. I'm still going to write about my faith and relationship with God, but there will be other subjects as well. Stories from my life, both new and old. I might post a quote from someone I admire and write about it. Some posts will be humorous, others more serious. Whatever comes to mind, I hope to make it the best writing I can for you readers. Writing is hopefully going to be my career one day, after all.

Stay tuned for the new chapter of The Great Awakening!

A Rather Gross But Amusing Story

I threw up on the side of the highway.

It's not one of my proudest moments. I can't even remember the last time I threw up. Let me paint you a picture of the events leading up to this incident.

I went down to Mount Vernon to help my cross country coach with the BLAST 5k race. If you don't know what BLAST is, basically a bunch of Nazarene churches get together on Mount Vernon's campus for a few days and have lots of activities. Me and several of my teammates set up the course Thursday night and the race was on Friday morning. We all had breakfast on Friday in the cafeteria. We still had some time to kill before the race started so my teammate Caitlin asked if I wanted to go running with her. We weren't running in the 5k because we were helping direct people out on the course. Having just eaten cereal and a banana, I was a little unsure of my stomach's ability. Plus, our training schedule had us running 5 miles that day, but I decided it would be good to get my run out of the way then so I wouldn't have to run when I got home later.

We ran behind campus through this really cool neighborhood with interesting houses and green fields and the birds were singing and there were buzzards. Everywhere. But it was a really good run. Surprisingly I felt fine during the run. We ran back to campus and literally came to a stop at the Eternal Flame, which was where Coach had all the runners meet before the race started. Everyone was already gathered. Having no time to grab a water (I didn't have my wallet and I lost my meal ticket after breakfast) I joined the rest of my teammates. "I'm feeling really good. I'll just get something after the race." I thought to myself. This would prove to be a bad decision.

Coach gave me a map and pointed to where he wanted me stationed during the race. I walked down to my post and waited for the runners to come my way. At this point, it started raining. It wasn't much at first, but then it picked up. When you're sweaty from running 5 miles and then you have to stand in the rain for a half hour with no form of jacket or water repelling device, you get cold and wet really fast. As the final runners passed me, I started making my way back to the Eternal Flame, still feeling pretty good.

We all ducked into the lobby of the Hyson building and Coach gave us a debrief. Then we had to go pick up all the flags we had used to mark the course. In the now pouring rain. We decided it would be best for all of us to split off and tackle different sections of the the course. Caitlin and I took the back portion while the guys took the front. We basically ran the whole way while bending down every few feet to pick up flags to get done faster. So at this point I am sweaty, soaking wet, and starting to get hungry and thirsty.

After we took the flags to Coach's office, Caitlin and I walked to her apartment where my mom picked me up. I got a water bottle, changed into a dry shirt and got in the car. This is where another bad decision happened. I chugged half of my water bottle. I live about and hour and a half away from Mount Vernon, so it was a bit of a drive. I took my blanket out of my bag and leaned back in my chair to try and take a nap. This is the part where I started to feel weird, but I figured I was just tired and would feel better after some rest. I think I dozed off for about a half hour. The next scene would be best described through script form.

Kathleen (suddenly sits up in her chair, wide-eyed): Mom, I might throw up.

Mom (looks over with alarm): Ok. Do you need me to pull over?

Kathleen (with urgency, knowing something very bad is about to happen): Yes.

Mom: Ok. Hang on honey.

(Mom pulls over onto the side of the highway)

Kathleen (while opening the car door): Just give me a minute.

(Kathleen stumbles out of the car gagging into the grass. Hands on her knees, she tries to steady herself. Mom proceeds to watch as her daughter tosses her cookies while the wind blows and the rain hits her like needles. Waddling back to the car all hunched over, Mom hands Kathleen a tissue and wraps her in her blanket. Kathleen is shivering and is obviously uncomfortable.)

Kathleen: I don't feel good.

The rest of the car ride consisted of me sitting completely straight in my seat, desperately trying to get my mind off of what just happened and trying not to let it happen again. The last 15 minutes were torture. It felt we were never going to get home.

We finally pulled into the driveway. I took a shower, collapsed onto the couch, and fell asleep for 3 hours.

My sister had a very good explanation as to why this incident happened. "You didn't drink enough water. So when you did drink some, your stomach was all, Water?! What's this? REJECT!!!"

So, what have we learned from this? If you're a runner, make sure you hydrate IMMEDIATELY after running. You should also probably try and eat something as well. Please learn from my mistake.

And that's how I threw up on the side of I-71.

Love (and Easter)

This week marks the beginning of holy week at Mount Vernon. So, obviously the chapel services are about the events leading up to Christ's death and resurrection. Today when I walked in to the sanctuary, I noticed there were bowls and towels lining the steps of the stage. The passage about Jesus washing the disciple's feet was read, and our chaplain explained that Jesus did this as an expression of love toward His disciples. In our society, our feet are usually covered by socks and shoes most of the time. But our chaplain went on to say while our feet are covered, our hands are exposed all the time. They can get very dirty sometimes. As we had worship time, he extended the invitation to us to come down to the altar and take a towel, dip it in the water, and wash some one's hands; to do it to show our love for them. I liked how he talked about our hands instead of our feet (but I also think it was because he knew a lot of students probably didn't want to touch other people's feet).

As the band started to play, people started getting up and going down to either take communion or pray or wash hands. I was sitting at my seat, just observing. I wanted to wash my friends' hands, but for some reason I was hesitant. I didn't want it to be awkward and I wasn't sure if I should. I didn't know if they would be comfortable with it. As I thought about it more, I realized something. When Jesus washed the disciple's feet, He didn't think about if what He was doing was right or appropriate, or what they would think of Him. He just did it. He did it to show His love for them. So I got up, took communion, picked up a towel and dipped it in water. I walked back over to where we were sitting. I didn't really say anything to my friends, but there wasn't anything that needed to be said looking back on it. Our faces said it. As I looked at each of my friends, their expressions told me. They understood. I just took each of their hands and washed them. It was one of the coolest experiences I've had in chapel. I wanted my friends to know that I love them. They are my sisters in Christ. My wonderful, crazy, supportive, hilarious, beautiful sisters in Christ. As I was walking out of the isle, my friend Alex took the towel from me and washed my hands. There is nothing more beautiful and touching to me than seeing the love of Christ being lived out. I saw His love today.

Care

I am a very caring person. If I were an animal, I would be the tail-wagging, sit next to you on the couch, loving persona that is a golden retriever. Or a Black Lab. Just think of Dug from Up ( I have just met you and I love you), and that's me. I have a big heart for people. That being said, when I care about someone or something, I give my heart fully to them. I'm completely invested. While this is good, I've learned that it's also risky. By giving that person my heart, I open the potential for it to be broken, for my love and care not to be accepted, and handed back, or for the feeling not to reciprocated. It makes me vulnerable. I can tell you from experience, it's really hard. It's the ones who care the most that get hurt. As much as I would like to say this isn't true, a lot of times, it is.

Some would say that I "care too much." Another characteristic of being like a golden retriever is that I don't cope with change well. I've talked about this in some of my previous posts. This comes into play especially when someone in my life that I care about leaves. I'll be honest, this is something that I'm having to deal with right now, and I'm having a hard time with it. Part of me doesn't understand why I'm having to go through this situation again. I know that God is trying to teach me something through this, I just don't know what that is exactly. I got to a point where I was frustrated and tired. I remember thinking, "This whole year has been full of changes, and I'm sick of it. I want something to stay constant in my life for once. I'm tired of people coming into my life and then leaving. Why can't things just stay the same?"

A dear friend of mine told me something this week. I didn't really react to it the first time she said it, but today it clicked. She said that I desperately want something constant in my life that never changes. I want someone that will stay and tell me it's going to be ok. I'm not alone. Honestly, I felt kind of dumb for not seeing it sooner, but that's my human nature getting in the way. It's God. He is always here, always, constant, always loving. His love never fails. He's with me all the time. That is the constant I need to hold on to. And I'm not letting go.

Blessings

Yesterday morning, I woke up and I felt awful. Something was just off. To put it simply, my insides were becoming my outsides. I kept thinking, "Some April Fool's joke this is." As crummy as I felt, it was actually kind of a blessing. I had some extended God time and I realized I really needed it. I was able to really take in God's Word and listen to what He wanted me to hear. I read Psalm 73. One passage left a mark.

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you." Psalm 73:23-25

What beautiful words. It was so refreshing and renewing to me. Kind of funny that getting sick was actually a good thing in the end. It just goes to show that certain things in our lives can be blessings even if we don't see it. And by the end of the day, I felt much better.

I know this is a short post, but I think I'll keep it simple for today.